What Love Is
by The First Marauder
Summary: Remus' goes through a transformation alone when his friends are caught up other where. Set after they leave Hogwarts.


**A/N This is nothing like the stuff I usually enjoy writing but the song 'What Sarah Said' by Death Cab For Cutie is so beautiful that I wanted to write about it, so here's what I have done. I don't think it's that great but I hope you like it.**

**What Love Is  
>The First Marauder<strong>

'_Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room  
><em>_Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news  
><em>_And then the nurse comes 'round and everyone lift their heads  
><em>_But I'm thinking of what Sarah said  
><em>_That love is watching someone die_

Remus sat shivering in the middle of the small cellar having removed his clothes so as not to destroy them. If he was to be totally honest the lack of clothes was not the only reason for the tremors Remus was experiencing. Despite convincing the other three Marauders that he would be fine for one full moon by himself, he was scared. The wolf was not going to react well to being lonely and in such a small, cramped space.

Remus screamed as particularly violent tremors ran through his body. He screamed once more as he felt his bones begin to snap and morph into those of a wolfs. His cries continued as the wolfs mind pushed its way to the forefront of Remus'. The shouts full of pain and suffering slowly changed into those of a wolf's howls as the body of a man rapidly disappeared and became the body of a wolf. The unearthly shrieks echoed mournfully through the thick stone walls of the cellar announcing the end of the transformation.

The wolf slowly stood up from where it had collapsed and glanced around the cellar, inhaling all the new smells of mould, dirt, grimy water and an unused room; inhaling the strong scent of the human inside him but also those of the people who had visited the place recently. The wolf longed for those people to come again, longed for the satisfaction of tangy blood and soft, warm flesh.

But as the wolf knew the people wouldn't and didn't come and in the wolfs state of blood lust it did the only thing it could do, it attacked itself, ripping itself apart in the hope it would reach the human that lived inside. The animal tore at its sides, clawed at its face and chewed on any part of its body it could reach but the wolf never reached the human that took residence inside it's body. Before an hour had passed the creature lay in a puddle of its own blood, exhausted and hurt after its lust filled rampage.

In the morning as the wolf changed into a man the wounds and bruises only twisted and distorted. The man did not wake up once from his pain filled stupor nor did he twitch a muscle in his sleep-he was too weak to do a thing. The broken body lay in the cold, dark cellar, lost and distant from the world.

**oOoOo**

Sirius sat staring at his shoes in the Intensive Care Unit of St Mungo's. He silently cursed himself for being so stupid as to let Remus go through a full moon alone. The wolf had not reacted well to being without its 'pack'.

Sirius felt terrible-his stomach was churning and his breathing was rapid. The strong smell of cheap cleaning products trying to mask the odour of tangy blood and stale piss only worsened the man's state. Sirius sat trying to control his breathing, trying to convince himself that waking Remus up was a bad idea and it would only worsen his already dreadfully poor state. All Sirius could think about was how he so longed to tell the other man how much he loved him, how important the werewolf was to the animagus. He wanted to tell the man all this before he could never tell him again.

As the LCD's beeps got steadily slower and the little red line's peaks began to get lower and lower Sirius wondered what life would be like without Remus. Would he, Sirius, be OK without the help and love of the beautiful man lying beside him? Would he ever find someone else that he could love? Would Sirius even continue to live or would he just end it so he could join his beloved Remus?

Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines, Sirius wondered why people even bothered to hope in a place such as this when it was obvious this waiting room was only meant as a place to say goodbye to loved ones who were about to pass on. It hurt the young man to think that he had only been able to spend ten years with Remus-admittedly ten wonderful years. But still, Sirius only had ten years' worth of memories with his friend and these memories all depended on the faulty workings of Sirius mind. It was likely that in ten years' time these recollections would be blurry and full of missing information. It stung the man to realise that one day he might not even be able to remember what Remus smelt like or how it felt to have his lips pressed against his own. Sirius didn't ever want to forget these things, yet he knew it was inevitable.

Sirius knew though, that despite all the pain he was going through now, despite all the pain he would continue to go through, he would never wish away what the two of them had shared. He would always be happy that he had been able to spend any time with Remus.

Sirius shook his head trying to rid his mind of the depressing thoughts. He looked around at all the other faces of the people sitting in the waiting room. He noticed how everyone was only staring at the ground or the walls-no one bothered with a book, or knitting or even food-nothing could really provide comfort in a place such as this. To Sirius it felt as if nothing would ever provide comfort again.

Sirius gaze was pulled towards the nurse as she walked through the rows of faces all staring at her-faces that showed despair but still managed to shine with the faint traces of hope. He noticed as he looked at the solemn lady her name tag. It read Sarah Barnes. The last part didn't really catch Sirius attention but the first part did-Sarah. The name caused a stirring of thought within Sirius. He recalled another Sarah-a friend of his who had watched her husband die. But most of all he remembered her words:

'Love is watching someone die.'

As tears began to fall down Sirius' face he could not help but think about how true and beautiful those five simple words were.

**A/N Please review and tell me how I can better improve my writing, it's the greatest gift an author can get. No pressure :)**


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